Every time I looked for help with mental health professionals, I often left feeling unsure. Sometimes I felt more alone, confused, or even sad and I didn’t know why. Other times, the visit felt “nice,” but my body said otherwise. The visit was polite but didn’t go deep. Or went really deep and I wasn’t ready. Now, after working for years as a therapist and Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, I understand why.
Healing isn’t just about how smart someone is. It’s about how safe they make you feel. It’s about how they show up with you, not just what they know.
If You Love Animals, You Already Get This
Think about your dog, cat, or even a horse.If you’re sad and your pet stays near you, that’s not just them being cute. That’s something called co-regulation. It means your body and your pet’s body are helping each other feel calm.
Dr. Stephen Porges, who developed Polyvagal Theory, explains that humans are wired to connect. When we feel safe with someone, our nervous system settles. Calm meets calm. Stress meets stress. This is how we heal in relationships! Not just through words, but through feeling safe in someone’s presence (Porges, 2011).
Why Attunement Matters
Your body knows if you’re safe.
It knows when someone is calm or tense.
It knows if someone really “sees you” or if they’re just checking boxes.
This is called attunement. It means the person is paying close, caring attention to you. That kind of care can help you feel better even before you talk about anything hard.
We Heal With People Who Feel Safe
You don’t just need someone with the right degree. You need someone who helps you feel like you can be yourself.
Healing happens when:
- You’re not rushed
- You don’t feel judged
- You can feel your feelings without needing to explain them
But What If You’re Not Sure?
Sometimes, it’s not clear right away. You might leave a session thinking, “That was fine,” but something in your body feels off (flat, anxious, unseen, confused, etc)
If you’re unsure whether a provider is the right fit for you, try asking yourself:
- Do I feel a little more regulated after being with them?
- Do I feel safe to say the hard thing, or do I keep editing myself?
- Do I leave feeling more like me, or less?
Your body will often know before your mind does. Feeling uncertain doesn’t mean you’re difficult! Oftentimes it might just mean something isn’t syncing.
It’s okay to ask for what you need. It’s okay to explore other options. Therapy is about being received in the way your system can actually heal, and isn’t just about showing up.
How to Pick the Right Provider for You
It’s okay to trust your gut!
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel safe here?
- Can I be myself, even if I’m a mess?
- Does this person feel calm and real?
If the answer is yes, that’s a good sign.
Final Thought
Healing doesn’t come from big words or big titles.
It comes from connection.
From feeling safe in your body with someone who sees the real you.
Trust that feeling! It’s smarter than any checklist.
Reference:
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
Mary Crutchfield
PMHNP-BC, FNP-C
I’m Mary Crutchfield, founder of Leva Psychiatry. I specialize in helping people move through trauma, reconnect with their bodies, and uncover the emotional patterns that keep them stuck — even after trying therapy or medication.
I’m a Master’s-prepared Psychiatric and Family Nurse Practitioner, trained in Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy, GoWithin Hypno-Breathwork, and sound healing. My approach blends neuroscience with deep inner work — guiding you to explore not just the mind, but the nervous system and subconscious.
Beneath many mental health struggles are repressed emotions, core wounds, and disconnection from the body. I believe we can heal. We can rewire the brain, come home to our bodies, and find new ways of relating — to ourselves and to others.
My own healing journey taught me that we don’t do this work alone. We heal through relationship, through co-regulation, and in spaces that feel safe enough to go deep.
I’m not your average psychiatric provider — and if we both feel that it’s the right fit, I’ll walk alongside you, not ahead of you. Together, we’ll do the emotional work. This is sacred ground, and I take that seriously.
